It was just Yesterday

It was just yesterday I almost left him alone. It was the first time, I suppose, when I tuned my voice in symmetry with his temper; and spoke of separation. It was more of a rebellious one. Not to my surprise, as I rudely said it's impossible for me to go forth, he sensed my tears. Amongst all the 'mister and missus' disagreements and disapprovals, we came to the point where none of us seemed to continue this session. It was 4 in the morning and it was 3 hours since I was crying, almost silently and out loud at times. It was a goodbye for some hours but we remained quiet before we could bid our daily ritualised good night. It was a long pause. My dissatisfied self was about to break out and with contrary to what kind of a person I had been to him that night, I said "baby..." and I cried to him. It was after a long time he heard me cry because eventually I had started to manage my outburst myself. And I cried; cried like a child craving for his mother. He confronted me and that's what I needed. Nobody in this world wants anything but love and acceptance. I had a good sleep because of a feeling called love. I felt 'loved'. It was just yesterday...

I woke up with dark double eye bags. They were weird and reflected my weakness. I was already late, so I could just glare at them for a moment and headed away promising myself to cure.

After thinking about him all day long, and finding the good vibes cluttering around me, i was happy, and even waiting for him was romantic to me. He had asked me to wait awake for him as he was busy doing something, study I guess, which he quoted to me some hours ago. Meanwhile I was going through my Pinterest Weekly Recommendations where I read an article named "1 tip that will change your marriage" and believe me it was worth. The only thing it said in the best possible way was to 'Love and serve your spouses without Expectations'. I already knew it; always had. But reading stories, seeing images, hearing quotes from renowned people around were easy and incomparable to what modifications you have to go through. But this day was something very energising. After a considerably very long time, my starve for his love was regaining. I resolved to 'love and serve him unconditionally', because it were only the expectations that I built up and led to disappointments (from both the perspectives). I felt so light that I could forgo any negativity. It was a good night.....

.... Until he called.

An Extract from the Past

Here I am, lying on the bed straight up, eyes wide open with no sign of tiredness, watching the dim lighted roof and listening to the heavy voice of the ceiling fan, lost again in the city of deep thoughts. May be one day you will ask me to meet you out, may be you will hold my hands and say u love me, may be not, may be you mean it, may be not, may be you will hug me suddenly to show your love, may be not; all I know is I will remain the same for you, just stationary. I have thoughts in me to love you back if you ever do, but your respect is more important to me than your love. You have always deserved more than anyone else, and that's what I want you to achieve. Yes I will hug you back; but as a tenderly caring friend. May be one day my feelings will fade for you, may be not, may be intentionally, may be they will strengthen with every moment spent with you, may be, just may be. I am ready for all possibilities to cross by me, and I have the pre-determined set-up, knowing enough about life's sudden turns. A teardrop rolled down my eyes towards the pillow making me feel the wetness in the love I have got into. I close my eyes, breath out warm air. Whatever life gets me into, I am confident and undoubtedly able to survive it, even if I don't want to; and live it strong enough to feel proud on myself, and again to smell the feeling of being calm, mature and determined as I am now.